Cool!
The story is really immersive! The art isn't great though. It seems a bit rushed. If you took a little time to clean it up I bet you could make it look really professional. If you're going for a sketchy style, though, the pen tool kills it. Try just sketching the lines out with the smallest brush, then optimize it. It'll look like it was sketchy on purpose as opposed to just looking kind of choppy/dirty.